How to be socially awkward at blogging events

Do you find new blog followers everywhere you go? Are people drawn to your sparkling personality and witty conversation? Are you the life of every party?
Would you like it to stop? If you’d like to make less friends and leave a questionable impression on everyone you meet, then follow these helpful tips.

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(Watch on YouTube)
The video and the post are different. Sorry to inform you, you are going to have to both read and watch. 😉

How to be socially awkward at blogging events

1. Find out about the event the day before.
The last thing that you need is more time to be properly prepared so make sure that you find out about the event at the last minute. Having other plans before your event is also great for helping you feel rushed and unprepared.
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(When Crazy Meets Exhaustion vlogs and I find out about the Scary Mommy Meet and Greet.)

2. Do not get adequate sleep the night before.
It’s best to be totally exhausted so that you’re really off your game and you have (even more) huge dark circles and bags under your eyes. Personally I like to go to bed at 4:30am and then wake up at 7:00am the next morning.
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3. Make a last minute trip to the store.
If you’re going to an event where you have the opportunity to have an author sign something for you and then realize you don’t have a physical book for them to sign you may as well take an hour or so to go buy the book. Make sure that the trip makes you run late so that you barely have time to change your clothes before the event.
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4. Bring a tiara.
Carry a tiara in your bag, make sure that it’s visible and that everyone can see it.
Don’t take it out and don’t mention it. Also it helps to carry around a pair of cute but very large shoes that have mud on them from your trip to the park earlier that day.
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5. Dress inappropriately.
If everyone else is rocking a cute sundress you should totally shroud yourself in dark clothing, wear flip-flops, and try your best to resemble a 12 year old hippie-ninja wearing pajamas.
Also, be short. Really short.
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Me, Christine, Stephanie, Jill, Janene, Meredith, Amanda

6. Make a poor underwear selection.
I’m not just talking about pantylines. Wear something that bunches, creeps, and rides up. Just when someone finds you remotely interesting, slink away and attempt to discreetly pull the underwear from your crack. Repeat 35 times.
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7. Be certain the photographer only takes bad photos of you. No, I mean really, really bad photos.
Preferably when you’re in the middle of nervously crossing and uncrossing your legs.
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(Source of unedited photo)

8. Sweat like a pig and incessantly fan yourself.
Upper lip sweat is particularly great for making you feel more uncomfortable. Find a program, a postcard, or something similar and fan yourself furiously.
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9. Make friends with a lamp.
Just when the conversation is starting to get good, step aside and begin standing awkwardly next to a lamp as though it is your best friend.
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10. Ramble about a different blogger.
When a famous blogger is signing your book start rambling about how much you love a different blogger. “I love Kat. I read her blog all the time. She’s so funny. She’s my best friend, except not really. I am not a stalker.”

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11. BONUS! Talk smack on your own blog.
Also, when talking to other bloggers be sure to badmouth your own blog, “My blog is small. No one reads it. I don’t even write on it anymore. Everything is stupid. I hate the world.”
Don’t tell them the name of your blog and don’t give them your business card.
IMG_4280_edited-2lamp(Source of unedited photo)

Even though I felt like a socially awkward weirdo, all of the other bloggers were great and assured me that I “did just fine” (Code for: It’s awkward enough without talking about how awkward it is. Please change the subject.).
I want to give a special shout-out to Femme Frugality that had the misfortune of witnessing me accidentally rub my booty all over the food table and then crack a lame joke about sitting on a stack of plates. My apologies.

(You can also see the awkward encounter I’ve imagined if I ever met Kat in person here)

As if I didn’t embarrass myself enough the first time, I’m going to be attending a local blogger Meet and Greet on July 19, 2013. This event is at Ikea, so I’m going to be really busy making friends with lamps, but I’m sure I can make a little time for you if you’d like to experience this train wreck in person.
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Where will Jenn be acting like an idiot in 2014?
Come watch it happen in person! 🙂

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I Make Myself the Queen is an itty-bitty newborn blog. Please be gentle with it, wash your
hands before touching it, and be sure to come back often to tell it how cute it is!

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Read my family blog www.coolestfamilyontheblock.com

This post is linked to: workshop-button-1

About Jenn Rian

Jenn is a bored and sarcastic divorced mom of two who blogs and vlogs because the voices in her head tell her to. She blogs about as often as she showers, which isn't very often. Author of jennrian.com and funanddysfunction.com (coolestfamilyontheblock.com)

Posted on July 7, 2013, in Awkward, Blogging, Humor, Writer's Workshop and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 45 Comments.

  1. You are so funny! I’m totally going to “make friends with a lamp” at BlogHer later this month. I’m definitely going to be socially awkward there…

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    • Lamps make great friends, Ginny! I’m partially jealous that you’re going to BlogHer…the other half of me is extremely relieved that I don’t have to experience it. I’m not ready for something that big yet 😉

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  2. mamaslosinit

    You crack me up!! I’m pretty sure I have awkward blog conferences down to an art form as well. It’s probably we have someone video tape our first face to face meeting because certainly the awkwardness would go viral on YouTube.

    It’s okay if you talk about how much you love me to Jill, she’s used to it by now…always living in my shadow.

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    • YES!!! For me the pressure is high since, “Act like a fool in front of Kat in person” is #1 on my bucket list. I predict at least a minute worth of silence while making “that face” followed by a full 5 minutes of wordless prancercising. 10,000,000+ hits, anyone?!

      I definitely picked up the jealous little sister vibe from her. She needs to learn to love herself where she’s at…there can never be another you 😉

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  3. I ALWAYS WEAR THE WRONG CLOTHES! And sweat. And hide behind lamps. Which is harder to do when you’re tall.

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    • I hear ya, my sweaty sister! That’s definitely a plus of being short, although I’m always getting stepped on and patted on the head like a dog or a small child…

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  4. very funny, I am sure I have one a few of these…

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  5. Now I fell adequately prepared to attend my first conference in September and my second in October. I have a feeling you were the hit of the whole deal. 🙂

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    • Well, yes, if people enjoy awkwardness then I was the life of the party 😉 Enjoy yourself at those blogging conferences, sounds fun! Actually, it sounds horrifying…but I’m sure you’ll do great!

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  6. Oops see…I FEEL…

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  7. Haha loved this! I’m always wearing the wrong shoes and underwear…. and making plans last minute.

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    • I’ve worn those pants and underwear together before with no problem, but something about that night…so much wedgie! I bet they were trying to crawl up there to hide from all the awkwardness 😉

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  8. You are HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We need to hang out more, but *sob* I wasn’t invited to the Ikea event 😦 😦 😦 For what it’s worth, I didn’t notice your undies or your sweat. I just loved meeting you!

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  9. Thanks for the laughs! I loved this post. 🙂

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    • Awww, thanks, Heather! In the moment I thought I might die from the awkwardness but by the drive home I was thinking, “There’s something funny in there somewhere!” Let’s all laugh at me together 😉

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  10. justagirlabby

    I am DYING laughing over here! You are so hilarious! Love this! Can’t wait to meet you at the IKEA event…maybe we can snuggle some lamps together. 😉

    ~Abby =)

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  11. It’s a good thing it is being held at Ikea because we can be sure there are enough lamps to go around. 😉

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    • Jodi, I agree! I felt more comfortable knowing there would be so many lamps for me to socialize with. I may even get really crazy and start chatting with an end table! 😉

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  12. It was FANTASTIC meeting you! I can’t wait to hang out again next week! If you find a particularly loving lamp on Friday that needs a good home let me know. We are actually in the market for a few since we moved – no overhead lighting in most of the rooms. I prefer ones that aren’t too modern looking but won’t steal my thunder when I’m laying around in my robe watching The Food Network late at night. 🙂

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    • Janene, I will definitely introduce you to some appropriate lamps should I meet any! And boo for no overhead lighting…that drives me crazy! We have overhead lighting but our house is still really dark. I may need to adopt a few lamps myself!

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  13. You are SO funny–I am dying.You had me at the tiara. Love, your new biggest fan.

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  14. AWESOME! Thank Gawd it’s not just me! My greatest Networking Epic Fail is when I showed up late, forgot my business cards, and one of my first comments to a complete stranger was “hey, I saw a dead possum on the way here. That’s not somethin you see everyday…..” 😉

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  15. I think this is a great post! I loved it, and you certainly know how to not take yourself seriously. I will probably never attend a blogger event since I live out in the middle of nowhere (or that’s what everyone says about Yelm, WA.)

    Following you from the blog hop.
    http://mydevotionalthoughts.net

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    • I definitely do not take myself seriously 😉
      I was blogging for 3 years before attending this event, there never seemed to be any near here. I think there’s a vlogging conference in WA, but I’m not sure.
      Thanks for visiting 🙂

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  16. Melissa Swedoski

    I’m getting ready for Bloggy Boot Camp coming this fall, and I’ve totally been needing a tutorial on how to behave, what to bring, what to wear. Thanks for clearing all of that up for me. I am now fully prepared to be the biggest hit among the room accessories. 🙂

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  17. You are so seriously funny, not serious, FUNNY! Loved meeting you at Ikea and I do think you choose a more appropriate wardrobe for that event!! =-) Didn’t catch you once fixing a wedgie!

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  18. So funny! There was a total Kenneth Ellen Parcel moment in there too. 🙂

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  19. This is hilarious than you for sharing.

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  20. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! You just brought to life every nightmare I have about going to my first conference next month!!!

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    • Oooo, which conference are you going to?!
      This was just a small meet up that I went to, I haven’t been to a real conference yet. I’m really hoping to go to Bloggy Boot Camp in Philly and maybe a few others.
      Hope I didn’t terrify you too much 😉

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  21. Ha, these are so funny! Visiting from the SITS tribe!

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  22. You forgot my Go To Awkward maker: talk loudly while using lots of profanity. (ok, truth be told, that’s just my day to day M.O., but sometimes it gets awkward when I forget my audience.)

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  23. You’re hysterical! You’re welcome to hang out with me and my end table at Blog U.

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  24. I love this post and will make sure to check out all lamps just in case your there, I can’t wait to meet you in person!!

    Like

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