Monthly Archives: January 2014

Amy Glass confused me, but I’m probably too stupid to know any better


I love a good viral drama and this has been the best/worst one since Miley at the VMAs! There’s an article about SAHMs and feminism that was published by Amy Glass this month called I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry and people are TICKED about it.
I’ve read it, and quite frankly, it confused me.

Amy Glass confused me

 

Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit…

I can’t say that I know a whole lot about feminism. Just to be sure that it isn’t all about burning bras and hairy armpits; I turned to the dictionary for a definition.

fem•i•nism
noun \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\
: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities
: organized activity in support of women’s rights and interests

That’s the Merriam-Webster definition. There may be a different definition in some fancy smart people dictionary that I’m unaware of because I don’t have a college degree. According to this, the definition of feminism is “…men and women should have equal rights and opportunities” and “…support of women’s rights and interests.”
In my ignorance I would’ve assumed that meant that the rights and interests of women should be supported, whatever they may be, including the interests of marriage, children, and homemaking. But that’s not the case. The work force is broccoli and homemaking is junk food. It doesn’t matter if you like junk food better, clearly broccoli is better for you. And no, you cannot eat both broccoli and junk food, there simply isn’t enough room. Broccoli is far superior to junk food, so we should all eat that tasty-tasty equal opportunity broccoli and frown upon those who do not.

Eat your broccoli

 

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same.

I’ve never really thought about my footing much, or my feet for that matter. I only have two feet. I assume that is an equal number of feet when compared to the majority of the female population. But I don’t mind if career women have feet superior to my own. I probably can’t afford the shoes they wear anyway.

I have 2 feet

 

“Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?”

I never knew it was so easy to get, ahem, “knocked up”. There was lots of banging on the door and looking through the peephole, but it still took me over 4.5 years, progesterone suppositories, and Clomid to get properly “knocked up” with my two kids. Perhaps I should’ve taken it as a sign that my place was not at home. I should’ve realized that I had an obligation to society to get a career. I thought one of the purposes of vaginas was to make babies, but I was wrong. Vaginas are for super smart people stuff like going to medical school and becoming a doctor that can do important stuff like perform brain surgery, over medicate the masses, and deliver babies. Oh. Wait. Maybe not that last one so much.

#infertilityproblems

It’s really surprising that marriage equality is such a popular issue. After reading Ms. Glass’ article I can see that marriage is holding us back as a society. Serious people would never bother falling in love.
And ya know, Ms. Glass is right about how easy it is to find a life partner. It’s a snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy. (But I’m just quoting “You’ve Got Mail”. Because I don’t have a job and I’m incapable of having a unique thought of my own).

loveisasnapc

 

“If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?”

Wait, there’s supposed to be applause? AWESOME!
I don’t think I necessarily deserve any, but I’m a former thespian, so I’m kind of an applause-whore.
Go ahead and
Clap it up, mutha-luvas!

Applaud for nothing

 

“I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance.”

Ms. Glass has some pretty cool friends and I think that she should totally throw them some parties for their awesome accomplishments! 🙂
But now I’m wondering if I should bother ever celebrating birthdays again.
I mean, birthdays are mundane and average and require no skill or effort. Getting older is the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. For reals.

Aging is average

 

“I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.”

Oh, I love to complain about the kids, the housework, the husband, the weather, the slow internet connection. In general I just really enjoy complaining. Because I’m a pessimist. Which is probably why I don’t have any friends. But that’s fine because then I can complain about that too.
I’m not a big fan of secrets, so I’ll just tell you now that I’ve accomplished nothing in life, mostly because I spend most of my time binge-watching tv shows on Netflix. The most intellectual thing that I’ve ever done was to successfully follow the plot-line of LOST.

stressed out

 

“Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

This part gets me the most excited! I didn’t realize how unimportant housework is. Which is awesome, because, well, I hate doing it. Now if we stop balancing the checkbook, making trips to the grocery store, and cleaning the house, that’ll leave more time for Netflix marathons.
Wait. Did I say we? I meant me, because obviously my husband would never do any of those stupid, unimportant things.
So, hey, down with housework!
The laundry can go F itself, because I’m never going to F it again!
Fold, that is.

immtqefflaundry01

 

“Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back.”

I’m confused again. What is “real” work? Is the only requirement that you get paid for doing it? If so, does that mean it’s important for custodians, maids, and housekeepers to scrub toilets, but not stay-at-home-moms? Or is housework so stupid that it means their jobs are unnecessary because housework in any form will always be unimportant? That’s going to be a huge disappointment to pretty much every character on Downton Abbey.
I wonder if Ms. Glass does her own housework or if she has a maid?
Actually, she probably has some kind of self-cleaning house that was invented by a really important engineer. How cool is that?!

Walter Whites

I don’t know why so many people are offended by Ms. Glass’ article. She’s doing the world a great favor by letting us off the hook in regards to housework. The next time there is a huge pile of dirty laundry and my husband doesn’t have any clean underwear I can just tell him, “The feminist said that housework is stupid, so you’re going to have to get used to wearing dirty underwear like I’ve already been doing for the past 4 years!” That is, if he allows me to speak, of course.

No. I’m not offended, angry, hurt, or upset by anything she said.
I am mostly amused and thoroughly confused.
You may refuse to excuse the language that she used,
but she’s entitled to her opinion and shouldn’t be abused!

(I apologize. Sometimes I subconsciously throw down a sweet-sweet rhyme because I read way too much Dr. Seuss.)

Honestly, what Amy Glass thinks of stay-at-home-moms and moms in general really isn’t that important to me, because I’m probably too stupid to understand what she’s trying to say anyway. My overuse of hashtags in graphics as an attempt at humor is proof enough of my limited thinking ability.
I’m off the hook anyway since she was specifically referring to “young” wives and moms and I aged out long ago.
What a ridiculously average thing for me to do!

Clap it up in the comments, mutha-luvas!

*If you’re looking to go viral, talking smack on SAHMs is a sure fire way to get a ton of hits and tens of thousands of venomous comments. Well played, Ms. Glass, well played.

I’ve had some trouble with the link breaking to the original article. If you can’t get the links to work, try copying and pasting this into your browser.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/

I Make Myself the Queen is an itty-bitty newborn blog. Please be gentle with it, wash your hands before touching it, and be sure to come back often to tell it how cute it is!

immtqesub01_7
Read my family blog www.coolestfamilyontheblock.com where I pretend that I’m a good mom.


I was featured on More Than Mommies!
***This post is linked to Time for Mom / SITS Sharefest

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TV Show Dream Roles


tvshows01wm

This week one of Mama Kat’s vlog prompts is…
2.) If you could have a role on a TV show, which show would you choose?

I’ve actually auditioned to be in a few really popular tv shows. Watch the video to see my audition tapes.
(Video here)

I really have no idea why I didn’t get any of the roles that I auditioned for. Clearly I’m amazing.

auditionsda00cwm

How did I not get cast as one of the Crawley ladies of Downton?

auditionsda01cwm

You’d think that I would’ve been a shoe-in for Cora, the only American character on the show, but no…

auditionsda02cwm

I can only assume that I didn’t get cast as Edith because I’m not ugly enough. I actually think the actress is lovely, but I couldn’t go to work everyday with people telling me, “Now remember, you’re a dog face and no one will ever love you, okay?” without laughing in their face and saying, “Is the audience really buying this because I’m super hot. Sort of.”

auditionsda03cwm

Lady Mary is a kind and gentle soul compared to what a witch I can be, but I could fast for a month and not have the waifish figure of the actress they chose. Fine by me, ’cause I like to eat me a pan a brownies every now and again. Or once a week. A role on a popular tv show isn’t worth the sacrifice.

auditionsda04cwm2

Why I wasn’t cast as Lori on The Walking Dead is beyond me. Anyone can run around incessantly screaming “Carl!”. I must not have been annoying enough (my husband would beg to differ). Or maybe I just didn’t look adulterer-y enough.

auditionswd02cwm

I don’t think the casting directors liked my take on Maggie and Glenn’s tryst in the Pharmacy. But I’m a lyrical gangsta and sometimes I just gotta lay down some sweet, sweet rhymes. They cannot be contained.

auditionswd05cwm

Another way not to get cast in a tv show is to constantly question the character’s poor decision making skills. They probably didn’t appreciate me taking a red pen to the script every time Andrea got romantically involved with yet another psycho. Oh honey, just, no…

auditionswd07wm

This one confuses me the most. How could I not land the role of Michonne when I obviously have such mad ax-wielding skills?! I know she carries a sword, but it couldn’t be that much different, right?

Maybe they changed their minds about me when they saw that I brought my mom along to the audition so that she could cut my meat for me during lunch break. Oh well.

auditionswd08cwm

Go check out what the other vloggers are up to or make your own video and link up at:
Mama Kat’s Vlog Workshop
This post is linked to: SITS Sharefest

If you could have a role in a tv show, which show would you choose? Are you a fan of Downton Abbey or The Walking Dead? Let me know in the comments!

relatedposts01blk
*Why I’m not a Movie Star Ballerina Princess (Vlog)

I Make Myself the Queen is an itty-bitty newborn blog. Please be gentle with it, wash your
hands before touching it, and be sure to come back often to tell it how cute it is!


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Read my family blog www.coolestfamilyontheblock.com

The year is new and so are these vlogs…


newyearsvlogs

So, it’s a new year and these are my first vlogs of 2014. Amazing stuff here, people. Eight and a half minutes of pure whatever.

The first two videos are Mama Kat vlog prompts and the last one is a Mommy TMI.

New Years Tag vlog
New Year’s Tag 2014
(Video here)

Dollar Store Haul
Dollar Store Haul: Ugly Christmas Sweater
(Video here)

Mommy TMI
Mommy TMI 01/07/2014
(Video here)

Go check out what the other vloggers are up to or make your own video and link up at:
*Mama Kat’s Vlog Workshop
*Mommy TMI with More Than Mommies.

I Make Myself the Queen is an itty-bitty newborn blog. Please be gentle with it, wash your
hands before touching it, and be sure to come back often to tell it how cute it is!


immtqesub01_7

Read my family blog www.coolestfamilyontheblock.com

Honey Jo, my favorite childhood toy


Honey Jo is confused

Honey Jo came into my possession when I was around 8 years old. My memory of it is pretty foggy but I recall being in the parsonage basement for a church auction. There were a bunch of items displayed on tables and everyone had fake money and they were raising their hands and calling out numbers. Quite frankly, I was bored to tears.

But then I saw a big teddy-bear on one of the tables and decided that I wanted it. When the time came I kept raising my hand and shouting numbers…I had no idea what was going on. There was at least one jerk that kept bidding against me, a small child, but others were frantically shoving their fake money at me as I kept raising my bid. In the end, the bear was mine, although I’m not certain how legitimate it was. Someone probably told that other loser to knock it off and let the poor little girl have the bear. Jesus loves you. Hallelujah and Amen.

The bear’s name was Honey Jo. I’m assuming that was the name on the tag because I know that I didn’t name him that myself. I was happy with my bear. He was a cuddly, snugly, armful of goodness…perfect for hugs.

But shortly after bringing him home, something just wasn’t right. Honey Jo just didn’t seem like a boy to me. He just didn’t. So after much contemplation, I did what any good teddy-bear mommy would do…

I had his bowtie removed.

Honey Jo is confused

The bowtie removal surgery left a few small scars. Then the bow was reattached to the ear as a lovely “hair”/ear bow. And Honey Jo became Honey Joanna.

Honey Jo is confused

…except he didn’t really. I never could bring myself to call him “Joanna”, and I was always confusing my pronouns. To this day I refer to Honey Jo as “him” more often than not. This upsets my daughter who now shares a room with Honey Jo but doesn’t know anything about his/her past. To her, Honey Jo is clearly a girl.

Whether I mix up my pronouns or not, Honey Jo loves me no matter what and is a beloved toy and trusted stuffed friend.

And he still gives the best hugs.

Honey Jo and Adaline

This post is linked to…
Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop 4.) A childhood toy you once loved.
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I Make Myself the Queen is an itty-bitty newborn blog. Please be gentle with it, wash your hands before touching it, and be sure to come back often to tell it how cute it is!

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Read my family blog www.coolestfamilyontheblock.com

Top 10 Posts of 2013


Top 10 Posts of 2013 (I Make Myself the Queen)

Top 10 Most Popular Posts of 2013:
I wrote less than 20 posts this year, so there wasn’t a lot of
competition for the top 10. I’m a slacker. Whatever, you love me.

10. Mommy TMI 7/12/13 (Vlog)
Mommy TMI

9. What the Wha? 1984 WTF Costumes
1984 WTF Halloween Costumes

8. 10 Years
10 years

7. There’s a bra in my lunchbox
Theres a bra in my lunchbox

6. Twitter made me do it! (Vlog)
Dancing the Roger Rabbit in a Onesie

5. Prance of the Pounds: A Prancercise Parody (Vlog)
Prance of the Pounds: A Prancercise Parody

4. 38 Random Things About Me! (Vlog and Blog)
38 Random Questions

3. Dear Diary: I’m kind of a Stalker (Vlog)
Dear Diary: I'm kind of a stalker

2. How to be socially awkward at blogging events (Vlog and Blog)
How to be awkward at blogging events

1. Awkward: I sold my teacher what?!
Awkward: I sold my teacher what?

What was your favorite I Make Myself the Queen blog post or vlog this year? Let me know in the comments!

Check out my Top 10 Posts of 2013 over at my family blog!

I Make Myself the Queen is an itty-bitty newborn blog. Please be gentle with it, wash your
hands before touching it, and be sure to come back often to tell it how cute it is!


immtqesub01_7
Read my family blog www.coolestfamilyontheblock.com

This post was linked to: Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop